Relationships are hard work! Going into a relationship with a toolkit of skills and resources can help you prepare for the road ahead. We want to set you up for success, whether you feel like your relationship is going great, or are struggling, these tools can help.

1. Build a Love Map

How well do you know your partner? Could you name their best friend or their favorite movie? Do you know what their favorite childhood memory is? Building a love map comes from a deep intimate knowledge of your partner. Good relationships are built on good friendships. Before you focus on improving your romance, improve your friendship. Ask questions. Be curious.

2. Learn How to Argue

What are your fights like? Do you know how to fight fair? Arguments are part of any relationship, but they can be healthy or unhealthy. Here’s how to improve your fights:

• Use a soft start up. Instead of, “You always do this!” or, “How could you be so stupid?” You can try saying, “There’s something that’s bothering me that I think we should talk about,” or, “I’d really appreciate if you could do this for me.”

• Use “I” statements. Discuss how things made you feel and what you think. ‘When ____ happened, I felt ______.” Or “I don’t feel like I’m being heard right now.”

• Validate Emotions. There are two sides to every story. While you want to be heard and understood, so does your partner. Listening and reflecting back what you hear can help.

3. Learn Your Attachment Style

Your attachment style is how you relate to others, and how you form relationships. Often, it is influenced by your primary caregivers in childhood. Although, it can also be influenced by relational experiences you have as an adult. Learning your attachment style can help you understand your relationship patterns, and also help you see what you need in a partner to feel secure. Attached by Amir Levine can help you learn more about attachment theory and attachment styles.

3. Learn Self-Regulation Skills

Building a healthy relationship starts with being a healthy partner. Learning how to calm yourself down during a fight or heated moment gives you the space to be able to reconnect with your partner instead of saying something harsh. We have regulation exercises that can help you relax your body and mind, and feel in control of your emotions.

4. All About Us by Philipp Keel

All About Us by Philipp Keel is a journal designed to help you and your partner deepen your relationship. It asks questions about your sex life, daily schedules, hopes, dreams, and future goals. It prompts discussions that can help diffuse arguments, make you laugh, and increase your intimacy and connection. This book can help bring any couple closer together, and I always recommend it to couples I work with in counseling.

5. Relationship Counseling

Counseling can help you and your partner learn how to communicate, find the root of dysfunction, and strengthen your connection. Having guidance on navigating the difficulties in relationships can make a crucial difference. You can learn more about the relationship counseling Inner Solace offers here or by watching the video below.

Using these tools can help your relationship flourish. You don’t have to settle for mistrust, miscommunication, and hurt in romantic relationships.

Healing is possible!