3 Ways to Help Heal Parental Wounds

May 28

Have you constantly relived the pattern of relationships your parents modeled for you? Maybe they were emotionally unavailable, and so you learned not to open up to others. Maybe they only paid attention to you when you misbehaved, and so now you feel you can only get attention or love through acting out. These patterns may have helped you survive as a child, but now they no longer serve you.

You’re looking to create a new normal for yourself and your future. Healing childhood wounds can be painful, and is best done alongside a therapist. But, these exercises can give you a jump start in your healing journey, or help you as you work with your therapist.

Here are 3 exercises that can help you along your journey to heal yourself.

#1 Write Your Childhood Self a Letter

Inner Child Work is at the heart of healing parental wounds. The goal is to be the parent you needed as a child, and to reconnect with your childhood self. For this exercise, think back to your childhood self. You can picture whichever age feels right, or you can do the exercise several times writing to several different versions of your childhood self.

Ask yourself: What did you need that your parents didn’t provide? What were you feeling at that time? What was going on in your life? What did you need to hear?

Write a letter telling your childhood self what you needed to hear back then, but didn’t. Tell the child how you feel about the things they’re going through. If you’re having trouble thinking of what to say, some messages you might include are:

I love you
I see you
I’m glad you exist
I’m here for you

See what it feels like to reread the letter and imagine someone telling you those things at that moment in your childhood. After, you can journal about the experience and any emotions it brought up.

#2 Ask for the Support You Need

If your parents were unavailable, you may have gotten into the pattern of taking care of everything yourself. Or, you may feel your needs are so overwhelming and great, but you don’t know how to get them met.

Here are a few ways to try to build a support network:

Ask for help. This is the most basic way to get support, but also the most difficult for some. If it’s challenging, start small. If you feel you need a hug, ask someone for a hug. If you need help bringing groceries out of the car, ask for help. The more you get comfortable asking for help in little moments, the easier it will be in greater moments of need.
Join a Community. If you don’t have many people in your life to ask for support, find a new support network. Join a support group. Find a workout group or art class. Get involved in your local community events. If you’re religious, find a church. Routine community can help build those support structures that may be lacking.
Find Support Within. Do you often tear yourself down? Try providing yourself with the support you need. What do you need to hear? It may be the same messages you told your childhood self in the previous exercise.

#3 Guided Meditation for Inner Child Healing

Imagery can be powerful. This guided meditation can help you reconnect to your childhood self and begin to show yourself the love you deserve. If you choose to do this meditation, I encourage you to journal your thoughts and feelings afterward. Notice what comes up for you.

What Now?

It’s hard work to heal from parental wounds. Going back into the past and remembering the difficulties you went through can be painful. But, through learning how to be the parent you needed and letting your Inner Child back into your life, you can change the pattern of your relationships. You can find healing again.

Take the first step towards a better future today by seeking the help of a licensed therapist who can provide you with the guidance and support you need. Schedule your free 15 minute consultation here.